So I have some news.

While the Afflecks have been doting over Baby Samuel (and surely showering even less frequently than usual) and the Smiths have been spending loads of money attempting to bribe Lady Gaga into mentoring Willow, I’ve been doing something much more productive in my free time.

(I know, haha! As if I have free time between holding the puppet strings at the New York Stock Exchange and plotting Blue Ivy Carter’s fall from grace. I’m taking Midtown Manhattan back, Beyoncé.)

Anyway, mostly on planes between Los Angeles, New York, and Paris, I’ve been writing a book. A real one this time.

Suri’s Burn Book: Well-Dressed Commentary from Hollywood’s Little Sweetheart will be published by Running Press this fall. The book will be my completely new, completely definitive guide to the families of Hollywood, and no one will be spared – better prepare yourself, Mason Disick.

If you’re bored, you can find out more about the book and my ghostwriter here. I myself am going to go buy noise-canceling headphones. Katie’s decided to start singing again.

I encourage everyone to buy said book